There are all kinds of bravery and much of it is never seen.

Today Wally refused to take his meds, food or water. He just wants to sleep for a thousand years. He told me he was tired of the pain, and he has never complained of pain before. When I told him I had left orders with the nursing team not to make him do anything he did not want to do, he squeezed my hand and said, “Thank-you.”

A long time ago I promised him I would let him go when he told me the time had come. I have kept my promise, but I can’t stop crying. I have kept these tears and this pain from him, but now I can’t hold back. Tomorrow he may not know me at all. God is coming for him soon. Then I will rejoice that he is free … at last. And home, in God’s arms, where he belongs.

And he will join my sister-in-spirit, Ellie, at the Bonwallelle Bench, to wait for me.


About Bonnie Toews and John Christiansen

Bonnie's Blog Posts invite our readers and free spirits everywhere to share life's adventures with us. I talk about writing my novels, reading books, chatting with other writers and John's and my journeys around the world. We welcome your anecdotes to our experiences and discussions.
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12 Responses to GOOD-BYE AND HELLO

  1. I pray that he will have a blessed passage and will see the beautiful light that opens to the new world God has planned for him.Then you will be called to your own new life here until it is time to meet him again.Cheryl

  2. Tania says:

    Bonnie,I am so saddened to read this post. My heart is with you while you go through your goodbye's.Love,Tania

  3. Bob Kuhn says:

    Bonnie;From a Canadian stranger who would gladly share your pain if I could, know that you are both in my prayers. May the Peace that is beyond anyone's understanding be yours.Bob

  4. Life Happens says:

    I am so sorry for what you and your husband are going through right now. I do not know you personally, but you will be in my prayers tonight.

  5. How beautiful a love for one another you have shared, what courage it took for you to do that with the nursing staff so that your husband can have peace, I would like to believe that God creates a special place for your loyalty and love, and that he will indeed be waiting for you with hand outstretched when your own time ends, standing straight and tall and glowing with the light of God's love

  6. Anonymous says:

    I read about this blog on Patientslikeme & had to check it out. It brought tears to my eyes. As a PWP, I can only think how lucky your husband is to have you by his side through this. God Bless you & your husband. Donna

  7. Rosemary says:

    We, too, have been caregivers for parents and seen that final time on more than one occasion. God bless you both as this time approaches. There's something very holy about being witness to a dear loved one's passing.I, too, came from PLM. There is a caregiver's place at, if you would like support in the coming months.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I read about your blog on plm. Wishing that you receive the comfort that you deserve in having made the right decision. Your husband was lucky to have such a supportive caregiver and partner.I hope for him the peace he desires. Take care. Byrdogie

  9. wyn says:

    God bless you Bonny and fill you with His everlasting peace.It is only one sleep for your husband before he sees you again. You have much longer to wait. My heart is with you as Geoff is nearing the same time in his life.I will be prayng for you dear sister,Blessings, Wyn

  10. Anonymous says:

    Bonnie, Thru PLM I heard about you and Wally. Your story reminds me so very much of the years from my dad's dx to my dx (inherited) to me being one of his caretakers and his passing. I know the heartbreak and heart aches from watching some one you love deteriorate right in front of you and being helpless, other than to just be there for them. I would love to talk with you privately (some patients and caregivers just cannot handle what we know will probably be part of their future.) I am going to send the man who put this on PLM a messasge and ask him to pass along my email address, if you decide to communicate with me. In the meantime, please know there are a lot of people praying for you and Wally and sending you hugs. Also know that God is right there with you at every tear you shed. Sincerely,

  11. I have been following your journey and I have been blessed to be a part of it through your heart. May the Lord bless you Bonnie and your dear husband while he slips into the arms of our Lord. EC

  12. Bonnie Toews says:

    Forgive me, all of you, who have left such wonderful and inspiring messages. Your prayers bring tears to my eyes. This makes me even more sorry that I have not looked through my blog until today.The strange thing — perhaps the miracle of prayer — Wally rallied once the doctor agreed to remove the vacuum treatment to clean out the infected ulcer covering his lower back. The wound is even better after all these months. But, Wally is depressed. He doesn't understand why God hasn't taken him when he was ready to go, and I had let him go. "I don't know what more He expects of me." Now Wally feels trapped inside his body and resents it. He's angry at God and me because I sought treatment for his ulcer. "It would have been better if the blood poisoning killed me." Anonymous, and all who wish to communicate with me directly, my email address is all, a big hug and thank you for reaching out and adding such loving support.Bonnie

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